Amos 3:3 asks “Can two walk together except they agree?” This seems so simple and yet can be a struggle for many.  Walking in agreement means that you are heading in the same direction and working toward a common life vision. Helping couples learn how to do this is the reason I wrote “The Book of Agreement and Remembrance”. It is also why we have couples create their own book of agreement when they come to see us for marital guidance.

Keep in mind we are talking about bigger issues than working out how the chores get done or whose night it is to walk the dog. This article suggests a great place to start your walk in marital agreement. As a matter of fact, the most common question we get when we tell couples to create a Book of Agreement and Remembrance is, “Where do we start?” Some will ask “We argue mostly about money, should we start there?”  Others argue about sex and still others about how to discipline the kids and will ask if these are the areas to address first. All good ideas but each of these are rooted in the ever-changing circumstances of life. Important areas to figure out but perhaps not the best starting place. Let me suggest you start walking in agreement regarding who you are more than what you do. Let me give you an example.

Gay and I have a rule at our house that no alcoholic beverages are allowed. You may think, “Yeah, no drinking at the preacher’s house, no mystery there, so what.” But this rule is not based on our vocation (Preachers) but rather on a very serious spiritual principle from Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge lest you be judged”.

When friends would come over and drink at our house, some would behave properly others not. It was necessary for us to judge which was which. If we judged someone was too drunk to drive, we would arrange for a sober driver to take them home, drive them ourselves or have them stay over. No matter which one we chose there was always the hurt feeling and apologies that come we judge one another. Other times we would have to apologize for someone’s drunken behavior to our other guests.  Again, judgment equals hurt feelings and fractures in relationships.

Banning alcohol was actually the implementation of a much more important principle that is part of our Walk in Agreement. Yes, we added the ban to our Book of Agreement and Remembrance. But even earlier we had decided to walk in agreement with what we had learned from Genesis 2:17 and Matthew 7:1, Judgement was never meant for us needs to be left up to God.

Couples must concern themselves with walking in agreement in their spiritual life first, then with addressing agreement in practical matters. A walk in agreement based on a strong spiritual foundation will stand up to the inevitable changes in life circumstances. Paul tells us we need to mature by first having six foundational matters settled.

Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about cleansing rites, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so.

 – Hebrews 6:1-3

Six Fundamentals to start with

A great place to start your Book of Agreement and Remembrance would be these six principles. As new circumstances come up, you will have a strong foundation on which to walk in agreement. 

#1 Repentance from acts that lead to death

Repentance is simply turning away from something. When I first came to Christ, I simply did not know right from wrong.  As I developed my relationship with Christ, He showed me any number of actions I thought were OK but were not. Each time I had a decision to make; follow Christ by turning from this bad habit or stay turned away from Christ.  Since I am married, I do not have to face these decisions alone.  I can take them to her, and we can decide together which direction we should go. I can tell you from experience that TEAM BROUGHTON does a much better at turning from acts that lead to death than THE MIGHTY CHRIS (a legend in his own mind).

Agree with your spouse – That you will turn away from acts that lead to sin and death. This may be harder than you think. Your turning from sin may also separate you from friends and relatives that want to continue in that direction. There are friends that do not come over anymore because they can not drink at my house for example.  This is why it is important to discuss this issue, settle it and write it in your Book of Agreement and Remembrance.

#2 Trust in God alone

I do not know your dreams and plans, but I do know that all things are possible with God. I also know God alone is able to keep his promises no matter what. People will disappoint you, your paycheck and bank account could fail, and there is no guarantee that you will even open your eyes tomorrow. Manna fell from the sky every day and fed more than 2 million Jews in the desert for 40 years. Water would pour out of a rock to give them water to drink. I have been healed twice of things that Doctors said I would just have to live with. Nothing on earth provides as God does. Trust in God first not after you have worn yourself out, not as one last thing before you give up.

 “Trust is the place where you stop working and start resting.”  

-Rev. Troy Burns

Agree with your spouse – That God keeps his promises. He will be the provider for your family, and you will praise him for who he is (2 Samuel 7:14-29). Agree to never be one of those Christians that says, “We have tried everything else, let’s pray.” Instead, agree to pray first for provision or wisdom to find provision. Water flowed from the rock because Moses trusted God (Exodus 17:5-6)

#3 Baptism

Is baptism important to you? What does it mean to be baptized? This is an important spiritual matter you need to agree on as a couple.  You need to decide if either of you need to be baptized (or baptized again) if your children will be baptized (how and when) and if you will follow Jesus or a tradition. This is an important and basic matter for every Christian believer to understand and for every married couple to agree on.  When you were married you formed a new family with new traditions, so it is important to determine and agree upon what you believe. 

Agree with your spouse – Joshua 24:15 tells us to decide today who we will follow and to make a declaration of it. Baptism can be a divisive matter in the church and should not divide the family. Determine today on the matter and record that agreement in your Book of Agreement and Remembrance.

#4 Laying on hands

Paul is talking about church membership here. He is calling us to be loyal to a church, to attend, to tithe and to live by that church’s membership rules. The laying on of hands is to imply that an apostle of the church has laid hands on you when you dedicated yourselves to that church. It is not OK for you to be members of different churches. It violates Genesis 2:24 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This is repeated by Jesus in Matthew 19 when he was asked about marriage.

Agree with your spouse – Determine where you will go to church. If you and your family are already members of a church talk about why you are members of that church. Is this the church you will raise your children in? Serve in? dedicate your tithe to? These are important matters because remember circumstances change.  Will you, for example, still tithe if the church decides to support a missionary you do not like? Or build a playground instead of a basketball court? Fire the preacher you like so much… keep that preacher you don’t like so much? Write down the things you look for in a church in your Book of Agreement and Remembrance.

#5 The resurrection of the dead

Will dead bodies be reunited with the souls of those that have died? And will they live for eternity in either heaven or hell?

Agree with your spouse – This might be the shortest one to answer but the hardest to agree upon.  Not that you will disagree but rather that you may simply not have an opinion.  I suggest you have a space for this one in your Book of Agreement and Remembrance to write and rewrite this one as you mature as Christians.  

6# Eternal Judgement

Will there be an eternal judgment where God determines your eternal home? (Revelation 20)

Gay and I agree on this one, and our resolve has been tested. Some years after we had accepted Jesus as our personal savior, we traveled to the funeral of a very close friend whom we had known to be generous and kind. He was a good friend to us and to our son, Jeremiah while we lived in Florida. We had spent plenty of fun days at the beach picnicking with him and missed him greatly. But we also had heard him confess more than once that we were wrong about Christ and God and that he did not believe in either – even a little.  So, this memorial service would indeed be goodbye forever. We were heartbroken that he would be resurrected for eternity just like us but not to a life of peace.

Agree with your spouse – Take your time on this one.  It may be that you will understand what you believe in #5 & #6 at the same time. It is OK to write them together in your Book of Agreement and remembrance but very important that you know what each thinks and feels on the matter. 

How to integrate these into your own Book of Agreement and Remembrance.

In the opening verses of Hebrews 6, Paul is telling us to settle foundational spiritual things so that we can move on to other important things.  When you as a couple walk in agreement on these six foundational spiritual matters, you will more easily walk in agreement on practical matters. To create your own Book of Agreement and Remembrance:

1. Get a notebook.  Any notebook will do but make sure it will be used for this purpose only.
2. Write on the front of it Book of Agreement and Remembrance for ________.
3. Used it as a journal to record the many ways God has you agreeing with one another.  Each time you agree to write an entry in the journal that has a date and a description of what you agreed on.  Record scripture as a part of the agreement if that is what you are basing the agreement on.
4. Start looking for things to agree on
5. Read the journal together often to help you remember all those wonderful times you agree.

NOTE: Do not record disagreement.  This is not a scorepad.

If you have more questions about this feel free to contact us at www.genesis2-24.net or pick up a copy of The Book of Agreement and Remembrance by visiting Chris Broughton’s author page on Amazon.   

Be blessed.

It is my prayer that you will get started today on these six foundations to build agreement in your marriage.  Be blessed.