Who has marriage problems?

Well, the short answer is found in 1 Peter 5:8. Satan is wandering around like a roaring lion devouring whomever he can. That is to say, Satan hates all of us the same and is just as happy to destroy a young marriage as he is an old one. He does not care and feels no remorse for the children wounded or any other collateral damage he causes. So, if you are breathing and married, Satan would like to cause your marriage some trouble. 

I know this because I have witnessed it for more than 20 years working to help married couples learn to live happily ever after. We have heard pretty much every possible complaint. Whether it is the couple married only one year or the couple with 40 plus years invested in the relationship. Either may think they have tried everything and perhaps it’s just not meant to be. Drug addicts and pastors, factory workers and executives, stay at home Moms and women with very busy careers, business owners and contractors, rocket scientists, teachers and truck drivers all are subject to this one trick. Satan will talk them out of their covenant marriage relationship for a promise of something better.

You see, Satan is not all that creative, but he is vicious, unremorseful and persistent. He hates you, your marriage and your whole family. You can defeat this enemy with the truth and prevent him from stealing your happy marriage. Here’s how:

Step One – Satan’s Defeat

Accept Christ as your personal savior. We ask every person we work with if they believe their name is in the lamb’s book of life.  Some are sure and can often tell us the date they accepted Christ. Others will say, I hope so and still, others will say they don’t know.  This is step one in all the marriage counseling we do. We have come to know that 100% of the time when each of the spouses has a strong, active and personal relationship with Jesus Christ, they do not have marriage problems.

If you have a personal relationship, celebrate that today. If you do not, seek that relationship first (Matthew 6:33). Remember this is about your relationship with Christ, not your spouse’s.

Step Two – Decide

Decide in favor of your marriage. This is when you have personally decided to stay married – no matter what.  This is a personal decision just like your acceptance of Christ. This is not dependent on your spouse making the same decision. You decide.

Ask yourself, “What could my spouse do that would cause me to leave the relationship?” Begin to work this out in your own mind and life. Remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:6 “What God has put together, let no man tear apart.” Then you decide for yourself. This one step will have a profound effect on your marriage. It did on ours.

I can honestly say that Gay and I are more deeply in love today than ever. I can also put my finger on the exact time that we started to walk in the unshakeable joy we enjoy every day of our marriage.  It was the day that we decided in favor of our marriage.  The day that we individually decided there were no deal-breakers and that we would lean on God alone for our happiness.  That we would never leave but stay because God said we should. And in staying we would learn happiness together.

We have the privilege of getting to see this played out in marriage after marriage. When a couple decides in favor of their marriage things get better.   It’s not when the husband finally gets a good-paying job, or the wife stops nagging or when they finally get out of debt or get a new car or new house or new suit of clothes.  Not when the wife starts giving her husband all the sex he wants, or the husband starts helping with the house chores or helps with the kids more. The secret is not how many date nights you go on or mastering communication skills.  All of those things might be nice to have, they bring some relief and short-term happiness and your fellowship with one another may seem easier, but they do not strengthen the relationship like deciding to be one for the rest of your life. The marriage relationship is made instantly better and turns down the road to truly happy when a couple decides in favor of their marriage no matter what.  They have decided that divorce off the table.

Step Three – Prophesy a Vision for your marriage

Proverbs 29:18 says, “where there is no prophetic vision people perish”.

As a couple, it is good to come together and agree on where you are going, who you want to be and how your marriage will witness. Casting a vision will help you ignore the past and to set your face like flint on the future (Isaiah 50:7). A future that will prosper you and make you happy (Jeremiah 29:11).

There is a great story in Ezekiel 37 about when God took the prophet out into a valley that was actually a vast open mass grave.  God walked him back and forth so that he would see the brokenness and death in that valley then asked the Prophet “Can these bones live?” The prophet answers “Only you know.”

Ezekiel knew he was looking at bodies that had been dead for some time. Bodies that had been abandoned to this open grave. Likely bodies of soldiers that had been defeated. God asked him if he could believe in the impossible and he acknowledged that only God could do such a great thing. I think Ezekiel, like so many husbands and wives that are looking at the fresh wounds or dry bones of their marriage, they want to see the miracle, but had no confidence in how it will happen.

The instructions from God are interesting here. He tells Ezekiel to prophesy to these bones. He did not tell him to make a wish or to talk about what could be but rather to prophesy! Then Ezekiel says, “Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.” As he prophesied, he could hear the clicking of those dry bones as they connected themselves to one another. He watched as muscles and skin grew on them. He prophesied that they would have breath and soon they lived again.

Are you looking over the dry bones of your marriage? Perhaps you are disappointed that it could be better and do not think your spouse is willing to help. Maybe you want more sex, more fun time, to hear “I love you” more often or just to be able to have a single day without nagging and complaining. I do not know what is troubling you or your marriage but I know how to invited God in to fix it.  I know that 100% of the time when a couple follows these simple steps Satan is defeated in their personal lives AND in their marriage. And with that victory comes unshakeable joy.

Need help walking this out?

I am 100% positive that we can teach anyone how to live happily ever after with their spouse. If you would like help walking out your own happily ever after, please reach out to us. Go to our website www.Genesis2-24.net and fill out a request for marital help.  God loves you and wants you happy.  Be blessed.