Fundamentals; example on a gun range
In 2010, I took a concealed carry permit class. It is not required in Indiana, but it seemed like a smart thing to do. I wanted to understand more about firearms and how to be safe before I carried one. The course taught all sorts of things about firearms, the ammunition for them, the laws we were expected to follow, how to safely handle a gun and of course how and when to use a gun for personal protection. Interestingly enough, we spent very little time on the range actually firing our weapons. Instead, our instructor (Connie) spent most of the time training us on how to properly handle this instrument of destruction. She told us we would need to practice often and on purpose if we were to remain safe. She was emphatic we would need to understand these fundamentals AND we would need to practice using them. Otherwise, we may become a statistic.
According to Connie, a gun is the last resort. Our responsibility is to first try to run away from trouble. If we could not safely run away, we were to hide. If we could not hide AND our life was in danger, then and only then should we unholster our gun. And if we did remove it from the holster we needed to plan to shoot. She was clear that practice was the only way we would be able to think through this clearly if a situation ever came our way. She was would be testing our knowledge of the fundamentals with the required written test and our ability to exercise them on the range at the end of the course. But our continued practice would be on us and she impressed upon us the danger of not practicing.
I passed my written test and so was allowed to go to the gun range for the final exam. We were taken through a number of shooting situations under the close scrutiny of our instructor. If you, for example, unholstered your gun in a manner that caused your muzzle to point other than in the direction of the intended target, you failed the course. If you shot too early or too late, you failed. If you violated the fundamentals that would make you a responsible gun owner, you failed. Connie was driving home the idea that knowing fundamentals and being able to exercise them were two different things. We were expected to practice them always.
I did pass the class and can still hear Connie echo in my head every time I handle any firearm. She was good at teaching the fundamentals and I have been faithful at practicing. Good news, I have never even shown my gun to anyone, and hope I never do.
Marriage fundamentals
Learning and practicing fundamentals is very important in every walk of life and in everything we do. I once had a lawyer friend tell me that law school taught her how to think like a lawyer, it was when she practiced law that she learned actual law. Doctors spend a lot of time learning about the body before they are allowed to work on live ones and start their practice. Teachers are not necessarily subject matter experts, but rather have been taught to teach. A good batting stance can be learned without a pitcher on the field but the fundamental muscle memory will make you a better batter. Your golf swing can and should be practiced on and off the course if you are ever going to play golf well. Those that learn their multiplication tables do better at higher math. When we learn to write well, we are better at reading and spelling. We know that learning and practicing fundamentals are a gateway to success in any endeavor. This is true in practicing law and playing golf, handle a firearm and is for a successful, happy and fulfilling marriage. The Bible is packed with teachings about how to live happily with your spouse, but for purposes of this short writing, I will concentrate on three.
#1 Marriage is part of God’s creation
Man did not create marriage, God did. Here is that story in just a few sentences. Genesis Chapter one describes God speaking all of creation into existence including man and woman, which he created in his own image (Genesis 1:27). Genesis Chapter two gives more details about the creation of man, woman, the first marriage. The man (Adam) was created first (verse 7) and placed Adam in the garden (verse 15). God saw that is as not good for Adam to be alone to tend the garden (verse 18) so he set about the creating of all the all animals and had Adam name them (verse 19). No helper suitable was found for Adam in all creation (verse 20) and he was still all alone, a one of a kind. God created woman from the flesh of Adam (verse 23) and caused them to become one flesh (verse 24). This model for marriage was laid out in the beginning and as part of creation.
Man has sought to pervert marriage to suit our own purposes since God kick us out of the Garden in Genesis Chapter 3. Throughout history, we have worked to make marriage what we want it to look like, to make it satisfy our desires and not what God created it to be (James 4:1-2). Jesus was asked about marriage and the questioner even sited Mose’s law as an example of how it should be. Jesus replied:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
(Matthew 19:4-6)
He was quoting Genesis 2:24 and then added verse 6 to clarify that the creation still stands and is the fundamental truth about marriage.
Ask yourself: Do I see marriage as a creation from God? If so do I believe what he said about marriage?
#2 Marriage is a covenant, not a contract
What separates a married couple and leads them to divorce? 100% of the time it is the lack of some expectation not being fulfilled. We call that selfishness. One or both spouses have things they just want their way. If their spouse does not go along then the marriage is over. That is how a contract works. I will perform as long as you do when you don’t, I don’t have to either. If I make my car payments, I can keep the car; if I pay the cable bill, I can keep watching HBO. But if the car gets old or I have seen all the movies I want on HBO, I stop paying the bill. This breaks the contact and they turn off my cable and repossess my car. When a contract is broken, repercussions are felt.
A covenant does not work that way. If your spouse does not perform in some way, you are still liable and bound by the agreement. In our modern culture, we take vows on our wedding day something like, “I take (Name of our spouse) to be my (husband/wife) to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do us part.” on our wedding day. Notice the vows don’t say “if” we are rich or poor, but rather for richer or poorer. You will have richer time and poorer times, what you are promising is that those changes will be the end of the relationship. The term of a covenant is from now until you are no longer living.
The fundamental of marriage as a covenant is easy to understand but sometimes a little harder to live out. To practice this one, you must practice dealing with your own desires. As yourself, is there any reason that I might leave my spouse? We call these deal-breakers. Be honest with yourself, what are the “deal breakers” in your mind? Once you know what they are, begin to hold them up to Biblical principles. Are you being selfish or biblical? As you deepen your understanding of yourself and your covenant relationship, you will see these deal-breakers fade away.
#3 Have a relationship with Jesus
100% of the time if a couple is having trouble in their marriage, one or both of them are having trouble with their relationship with Jesus.
A relationship with Jesus must be more than saying the sinner’s prayer 20 years ago. It must be an active, current and growing relationship. In our counseling practice, we always ask spouses how they are doing with their personal relationship with Christ. Good evidenced of that relationship is how often they read their Bible. Too often we hear “Well, I am not much of a reader, so I don’t really read my Bible.” John 1:14 tells us that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. The Bible these non-readers are rejecting is literally the Jesus to whom they claim to have a personal relationship. I think the relationship is in trouble.
Prayer is also an important part of a good relationship with Jesus. This is a great time to tell him about your needs and victories and to hear the answers to your questions. Your individual relationship will be enhanced by your prayer time and so will your marriage.
To practice this fundamental simply interact with Jesus through his Word. Start reading your Bible. God will speak to you through the living word and your prayer life will come right along with your reading. Please understand I am not talking about reading a daily devotion or some other commentary on the Bible. This is how you will hear about someone else’s relationship with Christ. These can be helpful but are not a substitute for you being one on one with the living Word of God.
How to practice these fundamentals
I mentioned that I have never unholstered my gun in public, but I think I still need to practice the fundamentals I learned in class. So I go to the range, buy a target, practice drawing carefully, acquiring the target and shooting. I clean the gun afterward, safely, and I try to think through the things I did well and how I will improve the things I did poorly. My wife goes with me some and does the same exercises for herself and we talk about how we think we did. This is important to us because we know that practicing the fundamentals will keep us on track to automatically handle our firearms correctly. Gun safety is too important of a thing to take lightly.
We take the fundamental of marriage just as seriously. Marriage is too important a thing to take lightly.
Gay and I have talked with one another about the creation story and we both understand that our marriage is part of God’s creation. Please take some time to read that story with your spouse and begin to see your marriage in the same way.
Gay and I had “Deal Breakers” in our life at one time. We dealt with them and decided that Satan will have to use death to part us. Our selfish desires will never be enough. Talk with your spouse about deal breakers. What would disturb your marriage to the point of breaking? How can you plan around this so that Satan does not win?
We both read individually and pray individually. We take it one step further; we talk with one another about what we are reading and hearing in prayer. This is how your marriage becomes a “three-stranded cord that is not easily broken”(Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Need help with these?
Genesis 2:24 Ministries wants to help you. We can be reached at www.genesis2-24.net. We currently counsel couples via video chat so geography is not a problem. We are a not-for-profit ministry so we never charge for services. Let us know how we can help you.
