“But God wants me to be happy, right?” asked Heather. She was sitting with my wife and I complaining that James simply was not measuring up. He was working a job she thought was beneath him and was constantly tinkering in his garage with friends she did not particularly like. Their lovemaking had suffered because she just did not desire him anymore and scared her. She had tried everything… none of it made a difference and she was unhappy.
Then James told his side of the story. It was a litany of sins Heather had committed against him. Most of the complaints started with some version of “Remember the time you” and ended with “that did not make me very happy either” with some sort of personal accusation in between.
James and Heather were trying to live out their marriage by checking their happy meter. If the meter was low, it was the responsibility of their spouse to fix that. If James did not take Heather on a special “Date Night” whenever she needed it, there was going to be trouble. If Heather did not have sex often enough then he would put that energy into another interest that did not involve her. The situation was quickly spiraling toward divorce.
They were trapped in a misguided thinking process common in marriages today. They were sure that God wanted them happy and that he had designed marriage for that purpose. If they could not be happy in this marriage, why not divorce and try again with a more reasonable person. They were Christians and knew that divorce was against God’s Word. But they had also been assured that all their sins would be forgiven if they decided in favor of their personal happiness over the holy institution of marriage.
Marriage is to make you Holy not Happy
The Bible uses marriage to illustrate the Kingdom of Heaven several times. The first marriage was part of creation. We call Jesus the Bridegroom and talk of how he will return for his bride. The book of Hosea uses marriage as an example of the redemptive intentions of God. In all of those examples, God speaks of marriage as holy but does not promise to make us happy in marriage.
Happy and Holy are both adjectives, so they are both used to describe a person, place, or thing. A happy person is usually content, satisfied, and is living up to a standard of life they enjoy. They often feel or show pleasure and are content and satisfied. Holy is used to describing people, places, or things that are set aside or sanctified for God. People living a holy life are usually happy, content and are living up to a standard. They spent a great deal of their time and treasure in the service to God.
Our western culture has taught us to think that being holy takes away our ability to be happy. When I walked as an unsaved man, I resisted church and all that God stood for because I was having too much fun. I was a lot like James and Heather, I simply did not understand what holy meant and how it was the best and truest path to happiness. I believe to be holy is to be happy. I have discovered that I cannot be truly happy without living a holy life. Holy results in happiness both in my personal life and within my marriage covenant.
Ezekiel 36 – This Story can be Your Story
Gay and I had been married for five years and were living much like James and Heather. Then we met Bill Caldwell and he showed us Jesus, but that a story for another day. The point here is, Bill was Ezekiel in our lives. He offered holiness to us, without judgment. He told us that God was calling, and it was up to us to answer or not. Bless God, we did.
The prophet Ezekiel was instructed by God to go tell Israel what God was planning for them. At that point in history, the Jews were living in captivity; their homeland had been burned to the ground and left desolate. The fields were made unsuitable for farming by the enemy and all the animals had been killed off. Even in their captivity, they were getting enough to eat each day; they had jobs and were allowed to raise their children. But they were expected to worship other gods and idols… and did so willingly. They were neither holy nor truly happy.
This story is here so that it can become our story. It became the story of Chris and Gay Broughton, the story of James and Heather and, countless other couples we have to know. Each has walked from the captivity of sin and unforgiveness to holiness which leads to happiness and has arrived at Happily Ever After.
The Walk from Captivity to Happily Ever After
Ezekiel 36: 22-24. In this part of the story, God calls us home. It is not that married couple forgets that they are married, the just forget why they are married and what they promised on their wedding day. They promised to forsake all others for as long as they live but all too often other things get in the way or come between them. Those things can be a hobby, another person, or even a religion. The point is that they have forgotten to remain set apart from the world and for each other.
Ezekiel 36:25. God sprinkles clean water on Israel to cleanse them. This is a called forgiveness. God does not forgive because he has to, he does it because he can, and he loves you. I do not forgive my spouse because I have to, I do it because I can, and I love them. Will you do the same? True forgiveness is marked by no longer needing to be paid back for the offense your spouse committed against you. Can you forgive, will you forgive? Do you still want reparation for an offense?
Ezekiel 36:26-27 God will take away your stony heart and replace it with a new heart. He will replace your spirit with HIS spirit. I hope that you know that wonderful feeling of being really in love and to pour out that love on someone. This is God’s heart and His spirit. He cannot love you more and refuses to love you less. Can you allow God to put that kind of heart and spirit in you? Will you love your spouse in that way? Notice that he promises this rather or not your spouse acts in kind.
Ezekiel 36:28-30 And you will live in a land that flows with milk and honey. This is the promise of God. All that God requires is that you accept the new heart and his spirit, then you will forgive, and you will live in a place that provides all your needs. Perhaps you know what it is like to work hard and never seem to have all that you want. But in this place, God will do the providing, so you will not want.
This is where the rubber called holy, meets that road called happy. I am thankful every day that God provided a perfect mate for me because I can see her through God’s eyes. As a result, I have all that I need in the way of love, peace, and joy in my marriage. Not because I earned it but because God provides it.
Ezekiel 36:31-32 I look back at the early days of my marriage to Gay and what we thought was happy. I thought it was good but I cannot imagine going back to that. We did not have God leading us, forgiving us, and teaching us to forgive, we did not have his spirit or heart so we did not have the depth of love we have today. We have been married 41 years now and I am more in love with her today than ever. Not because of who I am but because of who God is.
Does your marriage witness?
Does your marriage witness to the goodness of God? Do you see your spouse through God’s eyes and does that make you brag about the goodness of God? Is God blessing you today? If so brag about it right now. I mean the God of the Universe, the creator of all things, the King of kings and Lord of lords is on your side. He wants to deposit his spirit in you and change your heart. How great is that?
If you want more encouragement on this subject, please contact us:
Genesis 2:24 Ministries
812-528-7292 or 812-528-2596
