John was angry with Clarice. He had walked out of his house and took a drive to cool off and called me from his cell phone. He was saying, “Why does she disrespect me that way?” and “I am not sure how much longer I can put up with this.”

I listened for a little while then asked, “Well, John, is the hill you’re going to die on?”  

“Maybe, sometimes I think she is not trying to understand or do right. Maybe it’s time to cut my losses and move on.”

The circumstances of his anger matter little, but his being ready to end the marriage relationship did.

We spent about 30 minutes on the phone then agreed to meet for a coffee near where he was driving to tell him about what I have recently learned about our call as husbands to bear our cross daily. The talk was helpful for John, and I hope and pray that understanding this Kingdom principle will help you walk happily ever after as well.

The responsibility of being a husband

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25)

This scripture is the call of every man that ever stood before God and said, “I do.” Most guys I talk to agree with that but are not sure what that means.  To help understand that call’s weightiness, we should take a look at who Jesus is and how he loves his bride.

He loved his Bride before AND while she was unlovable. Romans 5:8 says, “But God shows his love for us because while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” No sinner can ever have fellowship with a Holy God, but Jesus was so confident that he would one day get to be with his bride in a loving relationship that he gave it all for us. Jesus set his agenda aside to serve his bride.

He knew his very life was the price for his bride. The night before he went to the cross, he prayed three times, “My Father, if it’s possible, take this cup of suffering away from me.” But he accepted the love for his bride already and knew that God was creating the way for them. He finished his prayer with, “However—not what I want but what you want.” (Matthew 26:39)

Jesus knew he did not deserve to die for the sins of his bride. He had spent the three years before his death going about doing good for her.  He wanted to see her holy without spot or wrinkle and in relationship with God. Jesus worked hard to keep Satan and his tricks away from his bride. Acts 10:38 tells us, “You know about Jesus of Nazareth, whom God anointed with the Holy Spirit and endowed with power. Jesus traveled around doing good and healing everyone oppressed by the devil because God was with him.” He was not naïve, he knew she would sometimes not show him respect and would not always appreciate his work, but he never stopped loving and doing for her.  

 The Bible calls husbands to relate to their brides in that same way Jesus does. They beat Jesus so severely he was unrecognizable as a person. He was cursed and made fun of and ultimately died. But during all of that, he never stopped loving his bride to the point where we wanted to call it off.

Who are you?

We will never walk the narrow path that leads to a Roman cross. But we are called to die to ourselves to love our wives.  As men, we like to be in charge. If something is not going our way, we want to think we can change it to match our will.

Are you willing to allow your friends to call you hen-pecked because you like to please your wife?

Are you ready to hold your wife’s hand and pray with her, to seek God’s will rather than let anger rule your house?

Are you ready to be the spiritual leader, the one that will take his family to church, read the Bible to them, pray for and with them, even when you don’t feel like it?

In my more than 20 years of helping married couples, I have never seen an unhappy couple being lead by a husband that would die to himself. It may seem countercultural, but I have witnessed marriage transformed when the husband will step up and be a man walking with his bride the way Jesus does.

MORE INFORMATION:

If you are interested in a husband’s Responsibilities, pick up a copy of my book, “21 Days to Happily Ever After” by Chris Broughton.  Or download the list of responsibilities from our web site https://genesis2-24.net/Downloadable_Tools/Responsibilities_of_husband.pdf

Or for marriage help, contact us at www.genesis2-24.net