I have been a husband to Gay for 42 years. In that 42 years, I have done good things and bad things. I have made her happy, and I have made her cry. But through the years, I have learned a few things, and I want to pass them along to you now. Practice these until you are good at them. These are not the only things you will need to learn, but they are fundamental, and I think every husband should not just try them once in a while but that they should become very good at them.
Bring her Flowers
The easiest thing to do for your wife is also one of the most forgotten. You can buy her flowers. When I was first married, you had to go to a florist to buy flowers. But today, you can buy a pretty good bouquet are nearly any grocery store for about the same price as a pack of jerky and a coke. So make it a point to pick up flowers often. Your wife might even protest a little at first. But once she gets used to being honored with the beauty and splendor of God’s creation adorning her home, she will desire it and be honored every time.
Pro tip: Ask her what her favorite flower is. Not every woman wants Roses. Know what she likes – not what you think she ought to like – and buy that one.
Say “I Love You”
Sounds simple right? Tell your wife that you love her. But “I LOVE YOU” is so much more than the three little words you say. It must be that YOU – LOVE – HER. You love her more than all of these other things, places, people, and activities you have chosen to include in your life. Ephesian 5 tells us that a man loves his wife “Like Christ loves the church.” So saying I love you means that you will drop whatever is competing for your attention and love her.
Pro tip: Find out what says I love you to her. My wife likes to hear me say the three little words, but what trips her trigger is when I do things for her. Little things like going back to the car to get something she forgot to bring in. I go to the car, get what she needs, and when I return, she lights up like a Christmas tree. So how do you find out what says “I Love You”? ASK HER!
Take her and your family to church
Accomplishing this will require that you make life decisions that will enable you to go to church. I suggest you set a goal. “I will take my family to church 50 out of 52 weeks this year.” That means you get up and go to church on vacation; you go to church when you are exhausted from a late Saturday night. You don’t have a conversation with your minor children about whether or not they will be going with you – they are going even if it is in the pajamas. Joshua declared, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15).
You are the man of the house; act like it. Lead them someplace worth going. Take them to church, read the Bible, and pray with and for them; this is your responsibility. Nothing says I love you to a woman like a man in charge of the spiritual well-being of her household.
Pro tip: Try having at least one meal a week where everyone is there. Ask them about what God is doing in their lives, what they hear in their spirit. Be ready with a word of encouragement. It will take some prep on your part, but the reward is beyond measure.
Personal Grooming
Gentlemen, hear your wife when she says, “Is that what you’re going to wear?” You know she is saying, I don’t like what you are wearing. The correct answer is to ask for her help. Guess what? What you are wearing affects her more than you think. Read Proverbs 31; it tells of a wife whose family is well dressed. When you wear that old cut-up, stained pair of jeans, she is sure that people look at her as a poor provider. When Gay says, “Is that what you are going to wear?” I take off the offending clothing and either throw it away or put it in the donation hamper.
Consider personal grooming here as well. Does your wife like a beard? Wear one if you can – if she does not, shave. Is she OK if you do not shave every day? If she likes a clean face, SHAVE. Brush your teeth, bathe, wear a cologne that she likes.
Pro tip: Change your thinking on the matter. She is not criticizing you; she desires for you to be “honored at the gates” (proverbs 31:23). I love her for that.
Pray for her
Notice I am telling you to pray for her, not about her. Praying for her sounds like this: “Father, thank you for your perfect creation (Say her name). I am better because you blessed me with (say her name). You loved me enough to trust me with your daughter (say her name), and I am thankful for that.
Praying about her sounds more like this: Dear God, please help (her name) be a better person, she is doing (you say that terrible thing she does) again, and I pray you will help her understand how wrong that is. If she would only stop (fill in the blank), I would be happier, and I know she would too.
Pro tip: Pray with her as well. Strive for more than grace when you eat, or the quick goodbye “bless us” prayer. I mean, you need to know what is on her heart. What is she praying about? Does she see the burden you are carrying to God in prayer? Set aside time to share the burdens and pray about them. Resist the temptation to fix the problems in your prays! Just pray with her.
Take account of yourself.
How are you doing with these five easy responsibilities? Let me encourage you to sit down and talk with your wife today and ask her how she thinks you are doing. Ask her how this would impact your marriage if you practiced them and became a pro. You may be doing better than you thought, or she may share with you some things you could do to help her and ways to say I love you.
Be blessed in your walk as a husband, and may God lead you into His marvelous glory. If you ever need help in any area of your marriage, please reach out to us. You can do so through the website, email us at info@genesis2-24.net or call us on 812-530-7292.
