Five simple ideas to keep your best friend close

“He/She is my best friend.” I hear this in so many wedding vows and toasts at weddings these days. So many couples will confess that they are best friends on their wedding day and even for some time after the wedding. But more and more, we see couples for counseling telling tales of how they never spend time together or never seem to have a date night. They seem to be drifting apart. They have become busy with work and housework, the kids are a handful, and they just seem to be swimming hard to keep their heads above water. They drift apart because they become roommates, but they are not best friends anymore.

Many of us can think of a friend we had in high school or maybe younger with whom we no longer stay in touch. You may stop and say, “I wonder how ole Frank is doing?” You may pause and think fondly of the times you had together. Maybe it brings a smile to your face. Perhaps you even comment, “I will have to call them up someday.” Someday but not today, because you have other things to do today. The bottom line is that they have become a fond memory. They are no longer a present-day priority. Can you still call them your friend? It takes intentional effort to avoid this same trap between you and your spouse. Be sure to put in the effort to make sure they remain both a fond memory and a present-day priority. Here are five ideas that will help.

Spend time together face to face

Don’t wait until you have enough money, time, or have the right babysitter – do this often and right away. When was the last time you just laid in bed before falling asleep, naked, belly to belly, and just talked? Now I am not saying sex won’t happen, and I am just saying it is OK. You just need to spend time naked and unashamed (Genesis 2:25) with one another.

Try it tonight. Put the kids to bed, turn off the TV, let all your Facebook friends argue amongst themselves without you tonight, and even the dishes and laundry can wait until the morning. Just go to bed before you are exhausted, get naked, and lay belly to belly and sweet talk one another (Philippians 4:8).

Sacrifice for one another

I am not talking about all those times you thought good of yourself because you let your spouse have their way even though you felt different. “OK, I guess I can be the bigger person here.” That is not sacrificing; that is selfish, false humility. I am talking about driving change in the life of your marriage by making your marriage your priority. I know many couples that struggle to find time to be face to face alone because they are too busy with church activities. That might be a sacrifice, but it certainly is not sacrificing the right thing.

Sacrifice is when I willingly and out of love for another and set myself aside for them. Can you honestly say that you have done this? Or is there some hidden agenda in your actions?

James 4:4 tells us that being a friend to the world is being an enemy of God. Therefore, I must sacrifice my relationship with the world to be a friend of God. So, likewise, I must sacrifice my relationship with certain things in the world to be a friend to my spouse.

Serve your spouse 

When was the last time you asked, “Darling, is there anything I can do to make your life better?” Wives, you think all husbands will ask for more sex, and husbands, you do not want to sign up for more housework or shopping trips. But if it makes your best friend’s life better, why would you withhold it? (Proverbs 3:27)

Couples that serve one another become and remain good friends. Many of their problems are solved before they even become big problems because they are so involved with making one another’s lives better. 

When you serve, be sure you are helping them. Too often, we think of ways we want to serve our spouses and never consider that they may not feel served in that way. For example, men taking the garbage out is something you do because it’s your garbage too; you don’t get a merit badge. Ladies fixing a meal is something you do as a matter of being responsible for the home. These are services you perform, but I suggest that you move beyond that. Ask one another what they would enjoy and serve in that area. Whenever I sit down to write, Gay notices and brings me a glass of water before I ask. It makes me happy because I know she noticed me and took a moment to serve me.

Become a know-it-all

Know your spouse. Refrain from saying things like “oh, I know what she will say” or “He won’t like that” unless you have allowed them to tell you so. We assume that we know our spouse’s wants and desires and think we can anticipate their actions. But have we asked?

Gay and I have been married 42 years as I am writing this. I am still learning things about my perfect helper. She is still learning things about me. It takes effort and patience to know a person intimately. It takes time and presence to know a person. Become a “Know it all” by asking and listening, by allowing them to tell you. Ask them what they think and how they feel about things. And never belittle them for the way they think or feel. 

Good friendship will bear good fruit

The best way to know if you have a good friend and if you are a good friend. Ask yourself, “What kind of fruit is the friendship producing?”

We often quote the “Fruit of the Spirit” Scripture and talk like life is all rainbows and unicorns. But the Bible describes two different kinds of fruit in Galatians chapter six. There is rotten fruit (Galatians 6:19-21) and good fruit (Galatians 6:21-22).

I want to encourage you to become a fruit inspector. For example, does your friendship with your spouse produce peace, love, joy, kindness, Godliness, self-control, and humility? So often called the fruit of the spirit. You have this fruit when you are spending time together and becoming intimate, sacrificing for one another, serving one another, and working at being a know-it-all. Or are you experiencing bad fruit?  

You will have bad fruit when you neglect to be face to face, serving, sacrificing, and knowing one another. Do you have the good fruit of the spirit in your marriage, or do you fight and feud, get jealous, have self-interest, get angry and envy. There is a stark difference between the two; identifying which you are producing is relatively easy.

Conclusion

Remember, you will reap what you plant. These little actions will help you sow good seeds and reap an excellent harvest. But you must sow to reap. So why not share this article with your spouse, ask one another what kind of fruit you have, and start to plant the crop you want today. 

If you need help, please contact us at 812-530-7292 or our website at www.genesis2-24.net.